In August and September of this year, I was privileged to take a seven week sabbatical from my work as a Partner at Axis Talent Partners. At Axis, we believe our work is powerful, and urgent, as we work to advance equity – particularly racial equity – in the social impact sector. Equally, Laura Donald has built the practice, brick by brick, with the deep belief that in order to truly serve our clients and candidates, we must create a professional home for our team that centers liberatory practices and values.
One way we demonstrate this belief in caring for our team is by offering a sabbatical after five years of service. Having reached five years, I was able to – for the first time in my adult life – take extended time away from work that was not related to family leave, and that did not also contain an element of financial precarity.
It was glorious, and I feel an enormous debt of gratitude to the entire amazing, supportive team at Axis that made it possible.
Some things I did on my sabbatical:
Traveled to Hoi An, Vietnam, for three spectacular weeks in August with my family. (I would go back there tomorrow.)
Worked on writing my (very first ever) novel with beloved friends from my writing group, but did not finish it, and in fact realized I have even more work to do than I imagined. (This, I hear, is typical.)
Got super sick after traveling, and spent a couple of weeks on the couch watching HGTV, which led to protracted fever dreams about moving to less expensive cities. (No, we are not really moving – to Vietnam, or Laurel, MS, or anywhere else.)
A lot of yoga. (This is always true for me.)
Read a bunch of fiction. (Also always true for me.)
Some things I did not do on my sabbatical:
Think about work. (This, I know, seems improbable. I assure you, it is true.)
House-related projects or reorganizing of any kind. (This came up every time I told someone I was taking a sabbatical. The stuff you can do when you have the time. But… I didn’t – and don’t – wanna.)
Set goals around things I would do in a given day, including journaling, reflection, step count, volunteering, or anything else to backfill the time I usually spent working. (Put another way, I did not give myself a different job to do when I wasn’t doing my usual job.)
Tick through a list of doctors appointments or anything else I had been putting off. (This also seemed to be an expectation people held for how one spends sabbatical time.)
Sneaky-check any email, slack, or other forms of communication with the gorgeous and supportive team at Axis. (Though I may have sent a somewhat gloaty text to Laura and Emily about how many massages I got in Vietnam. Six. I know. Present me is jealous of past me, too.)
Feel any guilt, shame, or remorse about any of the above. (The pressure to feel bad about doing nothing is real. Omnipresent, even, for most folks who were acculturated within capitalism. Always. Be. Producing. Or whatever. I’m not into it.)
For me, the sabbatical was less about a sense of, “whew, I have this time, how can I fill it??” and more about, “whew, I have this time, I’m going to savor it.” I cannot stress enough that maintaining financial stability during a time of rest was, for me, essential to my ability to disconnect so entirely. And I suspect that’s true for sabbaticals everywhere.
If I had a takeaway about the whole thing, it would be this: when left to my own preferences and inclinations, in full control of my time and my life, I’m… not that interesting, actually. And? I am perfectly okay with that. I find the busy-ness of this season of life (read: mid-40s, kid in elementary school, rewarding and busy career, husband with two-plus busy careers, trying to see friends more than a couple of times of year, family commitments slash obligations – the list goes on) frankly overwhelming, over-stimulating, and exhausting, and also, paradoxically, kind of lonely. Work days bleed into family time, family time bleeds into work days, and so on. It was a relief, on sabbatical, to just… not.
It made me think about the way my time at work can often feel reactive, or even out of my control entirely. When I wasn’t working, the only schedule I oriented around was, first, the unmitigated delight of travel and vacation, and then, after that, school pick up and drop off for my eight year old, perhaps a yoga class, and maybe a handful of writing dates. It was lovely and freeing to take complete control of my time, and then decide to – essentially – do nothing of note with it. A very pleasant surprise was the unexpected effect of doing nothing: it became clearer to me when I wanted to, or should, do something.
Coming back to my work at Axis, I feel more committed than ever to partnering with outstanding organizations and extraordinary candidates – not to mention the amazing team here in the practice – to place folks in roles that, yes, have a positive social impact, and also, hopefully, are in organizations that can provide the spaciousness and room for folks to grow, rest, and evolve, in order to best serve their many communities.
If I had one other takeaway, beyond “I’m not that interesting,” it would be a deep wish that all organizations offered something like this: time off that is both paid and extended, and not related to challenging life events or transitions. Generally speaking, I’m opposed to prescriptive, one-size-fits-all wellness practices that are usually trying to sell you something or otherwise commodify feeling better, but this particular practice feels like a no-brainer to me. At Axis, we have been seeing signs for years that people are burning out at an alarming pace due to contracting budgets, policy shifts, oppressive practices and behaviors in the workplace, and the charge to – somehow – always, always, do more with less. Offering a sabbatical policy so that folks can rest and restore could be an outstanding way to demonstrate sincere care for the people doing the hard work of improving conditions in our communities, and also, offer them a real, practical way to rest, refuel, and recharge in whatever way they choose, so they may sustain their efforts long term.
As for me, with the blessing of my family, I’m claiming Sundays as my do-nothing day, at least for now. I’m hoping to hold on to that sense of spaciousness, and openness to what might arise, for just a bit longer. I suspect those days won’t be all that interesting. Maybe I’ll do a little yoga, or maybe I’ll spend the entire morning sitting on the couch reading the NYT cover to cover. Whatever it is, it will be for the pleasure of having total dominion over my schedule, even if it’s just for one day a week.
